My lab experiment on life is progressing slowly but, I feel safe in saying, surely. I’ve got a gut feeling about this, a good one.
Every day someone asks me what I’m going to do next, and most aren’t satisfied when I quip, tongue-in-cheek, “I don’t know!”
What I want most of all, is to cherish my connection to myself and to my power. I’ve lost that connection several times in the course of my life, compromising my intuition, and there is nothing as awful as the state of being that follows. It’s very much like being stuck between a rock and a hard place – my inner voice commanding me to focus on feeling from within, causing moments of uncertainty over future plans that have barely graduated from emotion to thought.
Never before has my intuition told me to take things so easy, to stay so still and constantly listen to my heart. Actually, it’s staying still that’s allowing me to move forward. I told my friend at the start of the month that the first half of August is clearly a time to be idle and scent the air. I have a strong feeling that by September, I might be swimming along at much greater pace. I’ve got the pieces of the puzzle laid out in front of me, but I can’t quite see how they combine. Get one in its place, and the others will follow – that’s my theory.
The universe has had a lot to give me this year. It has stubbornly and patiently pointed me in the right direction, to the things I need to face and deal with. And it would have me do it all at once, of course. It’s not enough that I am reshaping the very structure of my life – seeing myself mirrored in someone new has made a lot of my trust issues from past relationships resurface, as well. It’s scary as hell, to be honest.
But I have grown into a person who meets new adventures with open arms – as frightening as those adventures may sometimes be. My energy is high and dynamic, and, although I might have a fall or two, I’m quick to dust off my clothes, patch up my wounds, and get back on the road with an open heart. In fact, there might be a lesson to be learned from high energy: to rebuild by life, and to begin a new relationship, I must have the patience to stand still.
I promised myself not to do anything for money alone, I’ve kept my promise: yesterday I took on the position of the cleaner at our yoga studio – not for money, but simply because it felt so damned good.
Yoga tops gifted by Wellicious
Photos Dorit Salutskij
Translation Katja Nikula
